I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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