had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
