no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
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My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
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I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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