just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
