Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
