shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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