So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
