im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
