Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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