some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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