wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
