she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Randomize
