omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
