Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
