I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
