did you get engaged???
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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