I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
ugly people sure do ruin things
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
