He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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