So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
it glows. i had to have it.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
