Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
