I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
