i will never coherently bang her
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i dont even know how to be here
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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