omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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