Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
