I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
