Jerry, you need to find god
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
