I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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