someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
