I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
