You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
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