watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
