And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
