Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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