Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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