Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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