so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
