yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
