But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
