Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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