I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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