When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
