My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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