You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
