I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Randomize
