Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
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he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
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Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just had sex on a roof
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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