Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
