I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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