Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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