I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
