so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
