Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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