It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
