omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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