Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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