my sisters under your porch take her home
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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