She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
