forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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