Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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