Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Randomize
