no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
