just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
