so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
