Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
