i jhust puked up my retainher.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
