I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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