4 words: hood of his car
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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