If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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