apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
