They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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